50 New Ways

Eric Weinstein just asked “What are the other 45 ways to leave your lover?”

I humbly submit my (first?) batch of 20.

20 Ways to Un-friend Your Lover

“The statement is clearly true,” he tweeted me.
The proof is simple if you approach inductively
I’d like to get your help (or at least a retweet)
What are the forty-five ways to leave your lover?

He said it’s not my habit to be wrong
Furthermore my tweets cannot be amended once they’re done
So I repeat myself, and ask y’all about the song,
Can you give me three more ways to leave your lover?
Forty-five more ways to leave your lover…

Hop on Air France, Lance
Catch swine flu, Apu
Reset her iPhone, Jerome
(There’s an App for that)
Get a new Prius, Gus
You won’t need to refuel much
Send a rude tweet, Abideep
Just get yourself free

Scribble on her wall, Paul
Deface Herspace, Ace
DE her gear, Amir
(or sell it on eBay)
Succumb to Bad Horse, Joss
(Congrats on the Emmy nods)
No need for a spiel, Neil
Just get yourself free

Bail out her bank, Hank
Promise in vain, Barak Hussein
Take a moment of Zen, Ben
Just ease it quantitatively
Refi Alt-A, Jay
Don’t need to disclose pay
Walk out your home, Noam
And get yourself free

Lie about your bomb, Saddam
Drink till they love ya, Dubya
Waterboard her clique, Dick
Or shoot them in the face
Question her vote, Mir
You don’t need to show fear
Spew a bunch of swill, Bill
Televise it nationally

(Edit: improved last line)

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3 thoughts on “50 New Ways

  1. I am humbled.

    Now I know why Chaco rocks as hard as it does…..

  2. Peter says:

    Hmm, I think that last line would flow better as “televise it nationally”.

  3. punkassjim says:

    I bow in your presence, sir. Masterwork.

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